The Power of Holy Conversation
How your everyday conversations are shaping souls—including your own
Your words are creating someone's reality right now.
That conversation you had this morning with your spouse? Those words you spoke to your child as they walked out the door? The way you responded to your coworker's frustration? Each one planted seeds that are either growing life or death in someone's heart.
The truth is, most of us have no idea how powerful our words actually are. We think they're just sounds that disappear into the air, but Proverbs 18:21 tells us something different: "The tongue has the power of life and death." Not influence. Not impact. Power.
The same God who spoke the universe into existence gave you that same creative force. Every day, with every conversation, you're either building someone up or tearing them down. You're either calling forth their God-given identity or reinforcing their deepest fears about themselves.
Here's what I've learned through some painful and beautiful conversations in my own life: we can't expect deep connection if our words are shallow, reactive, or absent. But when we learn to speak the way Jesus did? Everything changes.
I want you to think of your tongue like a powerful tool—something like a hammer. A hammer, in the right hands, can frame a house, shape a future, and build a place of shelter. It can drive in nails that hold everything together. But in the wrong hands—or in careless moments—that same hammer can crack foundations, shatter windows, and tear down what someone else spent years building.
The tongue is just like that. It's a skilled instrument, but one that doesn't come with automatic wisdom. You don't hand a power tool to a child. It takes time, guidance, and maturity to use it well. We have to be trained in how to use our words—not just to speak, but to speak life.
I'll be honest with you—I haven't always been good with words. Learning to speak the truth in love has been one of the most painful and sanctifying parts of my journey. For a long time, I bounced between saying nothing—because I didn't know how to speak kindly—or saying too much, too bluntly. But through many hard conversations, especially within my own family, I've been learning to let my words be shaped by both courage and compassion. Having a good heart and being a bad communicator is not an excuse.
Sometimes we use our words like sledgehammers—swinging wildly to make a point, prove we're right, or vent frustration. But spiritual maturity teaches us to use our words like master builders—carefully, intentionally, prayerfully. Every conversation becomes an opportunity. Will we build or will we break? Will we construct bridges or demolish trust?
The Creative Power of Our Words
God has given us the gift of speech, not just for communication—but for creation. Our words create culture, foster healing, establish identity, and echo the voice of our Maker.
Let's go back for a moment to the moment of creation. With a word, God formed the world—"Let there be light" (Genesis 1:3). Isaiah 55:10-11 tells us: "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish... so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
Our words carry that same creative potential in the spiritual and relational realms. God's Word never returns empty—it creates, accomplishes, and transforms. This is true beyond the world being created. What God speaks over an individual, over their identity, actually brings it forth into reality.
Think about Abraham. Romans 4:16-17 tells us: "Abraham is the father of all who believe... As it is written: 'I have made you a father of many nations.' He is our father in the sight of God, who gives life to the dead and calls into being things that were not." God called him "the father of many nations" before he had any children. How did God create new things out of nothing? With His words!
Proverbs 18:21 reminds us: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Those who recognize the power of their words will reap the results of what they speak.
Hazen and I profoundly believe in the power of words to form and create. As parents, we are committed to speaking blessing over our children. We actually have a family ritual that at each child's birthday, before we sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake we take a moment to verbally affirm and bless the growth we have seen over the past year in their lives. We are seeing year after year the creative power of words literally shapes who they become. We recognize whatever we call out and bless in them is invariably strengthened!
So let me ask you: Are your words giving life—or draining it? Are you echoing the voice of the Father or speaking the accusations of the father of lies?
Learning from Jesus
When we look at the life of Jesus, it is amazing how His conversations revealed a countercultural way of relating to the world. He was present. He engaged fully. And His words were consistently truthful, gracious, curious, and healing.
Ephesians 4:15 calls us to this same standard: "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ." And Colossians 4:6 gives us the practical instruction: "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Jesus didn't just preach sermons. He formed people through conversation—truthful, grace-filled, Spirit-led words. Here's how:
1. Jesus Spoke Life Into Darkness
To the woman caught in adultery, Jesus said: "Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin" (John 8:11). Grace and truth, spoken together, broke shame and invited transformation.
When we speak life like Jesus, we echo Heaven's mercy. We don't water down truth—we offer it in a way that revives dignity and invites a better story.
There are hopeless situations all around us where people cannot see higher than their circumstances. There is death, depression, darkness, confusion, and pain. But there is God's mercy. There is Heaven's answer which is not condemnation and despair, but grace, mercy, and hope.
Who in your life needs to hear, "I don't condemn you—there's more for you than this"?
2. Jesus Spoke to the Person, Not the Problem
Take the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-42). The problem was sexual sin, social shame, spiritual confusion. But Jesus didn't begin by confronting her lifestyle. Instead, He said, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink..." (John 4:10) and "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth..." (John 4:23)
He spoke to her spiritual hunger, her value as a true worshiper, and invited her into relationship. He gave her dignity and purpose, turning her into the first evangelist in her city.
Or consider Nathaniel the skeptic (John 1:45-51), who said, "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" Jesus didn't argue or correct him. He simply said, "Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit" (John 1:47). He affirmed Nathaniel's integrity and surprised him by speaking to his inner life. That encounter turned doubt into faith.
Jesus had this beautiful habit of speaking identity before individuals had become that person. This kind of speech doesn't ignore the issue, but it speaks to who the person is becoming.
Whose potential are you being invited to see beyond their present struggles? What if your words became a mirror that reflects how God sees them—even before they believe it for themselves?
3. Jesus Asked Transformative Questions
Jesus formed people not just with what He said, but with what He didn't say—with how he listened and the questions he asked.
"Do you want to be well?" (John 5:6) "Why are you so afraid?" (Mark 4:40) "Who do you say I am?" (Matthew 16:15)
Jesus formed people not just with answers, but with questions that drew them closer to truth. I love asking questions in conversation—the joy of not knowing where a conversation is going to go, of being witness to someone's discovery.
Try these:
"What's been on your mind lately?"
"Is there something you wish someone would ask you about?"
"What's been the hardest part of this season for you?"
"What do you feel God is showing you these days?"
How often do your conversations create space for others to be heard?
4. Jesus Stayed Present in Pain
With Mary and Martha in grief (John 11), or with Peter in restoration (John 21), Jesus didn't avoid pain—He stepped into it with presence and purpose. Being present in someone's pain forms deep trust and allows the Holy Spirit to minister.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15). There's "a time to speak, and a time to be silent" (Ecclesiastes 3:7).
Are there conversations where you're being called not to speak more—but to stay longer?
Your Words Become Your Witness
John 13:35 tells us: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
It's not just our theology, but our tone and truth in love that reveal Christ. Words can call light into darkness, name identity, restore the broken, and form community.
This week, I want to challenge you to pick one of Jesus' conversation characteristics and apply it. When we speak life, address people rather than just their problems, search out hearts through thoughtful questions, and stay present in moments of pain, something holy begins to happen. These simple, intentional practices invite connection, healing, and transformation—not just in others, but within us as well. What kind of world are you creating with your words—in your home, friendships, and church? The question isn't whether your words have power—they do. The question is: what are you building with them?
