Part 1: From Darkness to Light — My Story
A testimony of God's relentless pursuit, divine purpose, and moments of decision
Note to Reader: What follows is my testimony—originally shared with my home church. In that room, you could feel the weight of what God had done. These are the same words, captured so that my story can reach beyond that moment. This is my journey from darkness to light, from running to returning—and how, through it all, God kept sending me moments of decision to bring me back into His plan for my life.
The Miracle of Still Being Here
I shouldn't be alive today. But by God's power and mercy, I stand as a living miracle.
Sharing this at home—among my people—felt different from stages with cameras and lights. This wasn't performance. It was family. And I wanted to take them on the journey of how tragedy became testimony—and how God used it to teach me a life of generosity.
But underneath all of that is this deeper truth:
God had a plan for my life, even when I was running from it. And in every season, He sent me moments of decision that called me back.
The verse that grounds everything is Proverbs 11:25:
"The generous soul will be made rich, and he who waters will also be watered himself."
That generosity—of life, of testimony, of what God has done in me—is part of His purpose for my life. But it took a journey, and a lot of decisions, to get there.
A Childhood Faith—and a Silent Battle
I grew up in a vibrant Pentecostal home—charismatic, jumping around, full of life. At five years old, I loved the Lord—suit and tie, mic in hand, ready to sing. That was me.
But even then, confusing feelings surfaced. Temptations and thoughts that shouldn't have been there. Yet I knew who to call on. I prayed, "Jesus, why do I feel like this?"
My parents sowed the Word in me early, and it stayed—a seed planted deep in my heart. Even when I ran later, that seed never left. That was part of God’s plan—to put His Word in me before I knew how much I’d need it.
But I had no tools to process what I was experiencing. I learned only to hide it, to push those feelings aside. All I knew was: "This is wrong. You're going to hell."
At thirteen, I was a teen on fire for God. I received my first experience of speaking in tongues and was excited—diving into events and ministry.
Then puberty hit, and these feelings intensified. The problem was that in church culture, same-sex attraction was taboo—no vulnerability, no conversation, no space to struggle openly. I feared if I told my father—the only son in a Spanish household—I’d be rejected or disowned. So I buried everything.
I was like a ticking time bomb, desperately needing someone to say, "Angel, I want to be in this journey with you. I don’t know what to do or say, but I want to be there with you."
I had none of that.
When my parents divorced, my world collapsed. And here came one of those moments of decision.
Instead of running to God with my pain, I used it as an excuse to run away from Him and into the lifestyle I’d been hiding.
I basically said with my life: "God, if You allowed this to happen, I’m done trying. I’m going to do what I want."
Into the Lifestyle—and God’s Pursuit
I dove headfirst into the gay community, thinking, "This is the family. This is it. I'm happy here."
Yet even then, I made two promises to God:
I would never sing for the world.
I would never enter a committed relationship with a man—because one day, I knew I’d come back.
Looking back, even my “lines in the sand” were evidence that God’s plan was still pulling on my heart. I was running, but I wasn’t completely letting go. Something in me knew: “This is not the final story God has for you.”
But I missed worship. I missed talking to the Lord. I missed community. About a year later, I gave God another shot. I came back to church—praying, fasting, blocking all my friends, joining the worship team. I was determined: "Lord, I'm going to do this for real."
That was another moment of decision. I said yes to coming back. But my heart was still raw, still misunderstood, still alone.
After about a year, loneliness crept back in. There was still no openness, no transparency. I couldn’t talk to a pastor. Worse, I started hearing men in church making fun of “soft” or gay men. My walls built up again.
I prayed:
"Lord, I don't feel safe out there, but I don't even feel safe in here—in Your church. I don't feel safe with these men who are supposed to be my brothers. I'm trying, but I'm not changing. These temptations are still here. I think I'm just gay. This is just me."
A few days later, I prayed again:
"Lord, I tried. I love you. I love to worship you. But this is who I am. I am gay. You know I tried. But I'm done."
And I left church once again.
That was a moment of decision too—but one made in pain, confusion, and isolation. And even when we choose the wrong thing, God doesn’t walk away. He just starts working on the next moment.
The Deepening Darkness
That’s when everything spiraled—and intensified. Not just homosexuality, but alcohol. Then drugs I said I would never touch. I became a cocaine addict without even realizing it—doing it at home, at parties, at work, every single day. Only when I came out of that fog did I see clearly: "Angel, you were a coke addict."
But here’s what confused me: while sin intensified, God’s voice intensified even more.
I couldn’t understand it. Everything I’d heard at church was: "The Lord won’t speak to you out there. You’ll only feel His presence at church." So why was I hearing His voice at the club? In my room? Why was I weeping under His presence when I was drunk? Why was I singing worship songs while intoxicated at the club?
I started having spiritual warfare in my room—seeing demons, experiencing attacks. Yet somehow, this evangelist version of Angel would rise up and rebuke them. I couldn’t understand: "Lord, how do I have this authority? I thought all this left because I don't want You anymore."
Later I learned the reason:
My mom was praying for me every day at 4 a.m.
Every morning, I would get a text: "I'm praying for you. I love you." She would send me pictures of Jesus. And she would call me by what God called me: "My son. My worshiper. My favorite evangelist."
She spoke that over my life even while I was in the lifestyle.
Parents—keep praying. Your prayers are one of the strongest that exist. Don’t give up on your child. Your prayers will reach the throne of God.
Even in my rebellion and addiction, God had a plan and He kept sending reminders—through my mom’s words, through His presence, through those strange, holy interruptions in the middle of my sin. He was preparing me for a moment where everything would come to a head.
The Dangerous Prayer
By 2016, I broke.
"Lord, I'm over this lifestyle. I have everything I want—all the men I want, everything—but there's this void in my heart."
I knew what I needed, though I pretended I didn’t. It was just so hard to come back once you're out—you’re so bound up in it all.
In April 2016, I was in my room praying:
"Lord, I'm over this lifestyle. I'm done with it, but I don't know how to come out. I've tried in my own strength. Obviously that's not working. Lord, I need You. I need You to interfere in my life. I need You to interrupt everything."
Then I prayed the prayer that changed everything—what I call the dangerous prayer:
"Lord, allow me to go through whatever I need to go through for me to come back to You."
My mom was praying the same prayer:
"Lord, allow my son to go through whatever he needs to go through for him to know the calling on his life, for him to come back to you."
That prayer was a massive moment of decision. I didn’t realize how big it was at the time. But in that moment, I basically handed God permission to realign my life with His purpose—whatever it cost.
I prayed it, said amen, and completely forgot about it. I just kept partying, kept living my life.
But heaven didn’t forget.
Two months later—June 12, 2016—my life changed forever.
The Night at Pulse
I was let go from work early that day. I was hungover from the night before, but I went to get a haircut. When I looked in the mirror afterward, I thought, "I have to go out tonight because my hair looks good."
I had a friend in town on vacation. I got texts inviting me out. I got my outfit together, went to a house party, then to the club. We were dancing, laughing. They called last call. I got my last drink and came back to the dance floor.
At 2:02 a.m., everything exploded.
Out of the blue I heard a loud pop—really close to me. I saw an orange flash cross my face. I got scared, jumped, and dropped my drink.
In seconds: pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
I didn’t know exactly what it was. I just knew: "Angel, run."
I turned left and ran about two or three steps, then started feeling hot taps behind my legs. I fell down. I didn’t know what it was at the moment. Within seconds, the club was in chaos—people running, jumping over each other, trampling each other.
I tried to get back up, but someone jumped on me. Over the music and screams, I heard a loud snap and felt the most excruciating pain as my leg broke. I fell back down.
I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel my right leg or my left leg. All I could do was cover my face.
I looked up and started seeing bodies fall one by one. The shooter went outside. There was a lady next to me—I was holding her hand because she was in pain. I told her, "It's going to be okay. We're going to be fine."
Then I started hearing pops again—closer and closer. He was coming back, shooting everyone on the ground.
The lady I was holding was yelling and moving. I told her, "You have to be quiet. Hold your breath. Don't move. Pretend you're dead. He's coming our way."
I told myself the same thing:
"Angel, close your eyes, cover your face, hold your breath, don't move, pretend you're dead."
As soon as I did that, I heard a loud pop right next to me.
I got scared and opened my eyes. I saw the lady's body jump up and down. Her hand let loose of mine. Her eyes shut.
Inside, I was panicking. I would never think I would see someone murdered in front of my face while holding her hand. Now I'm thinking, "Angel, you're next. You're about to die. He knows you're alive. You're holding her. You're about to die."
I could feel him standing behind me, but nothing was happening.
The Prayer That Shifted Everything
In that moment, I told myself:
"Angel, this is the moment God has given you to make peace with Him because you're about to die."
In my head I started praying:
"Lord, forgive me for living this way. Forgive me that I left You. You never left me. But please, Lord, just take me with You. I'm about to die. Take me with You."
But nothing was happening. He was still standing behind me.
Then something clicked.
Something told me: "Angel, change your prayer."
As I was saying, "Lord, please just take me with You," it shifted:
"Lord, no. I'm not leaving here dead. I'm leaving here alive today."
I started prophesying over my life:
"Lord, You have purposes in my life that haven't been fulfilled. That means I'm going to leave here alive today. There are promises You told my mom that her son had—which means I'm going to leave here alive today. And when I leave here, Father God, I'm going to worship You for the rest of my life. I'm going to testify of what You've done and what You're going to continue doing in my life."
I kept praying that over and over.
At that moment, the enemy's plans were being overturned. There was spiritual warfare happening right over me.
I said amen.
Right then, I heard pop—and felt my body jump up and down. I felt heat and pain in my midsection. I saw black.
I was being shot all over again.
I saw black and thought, "Angel, you're dead. You're dead."
I waited. I heard footsteps going away to another room. I heard screams and shots over there.
I opened my eyes.
All I could do in that moment was thank God. I saw dead bodies all around me, and I could just thank the Lord.
Then I heard a police officer whispering through the door, asking if anyone was alive. I put my hand up. He came to me very quietly. I asked if he could carry me out. He said he couldn’t because of procedure, but he could drag me out.
I said, "Do whatever you have to do, but please get me out of here."
He grabbed me, flipped me over, and ran. I had a mix of emotions—relief that I was being taken out, but fear that the shooter would hear us. And pain, because I was being dragged over all the broken glass on the floor, feeling it cut my legs open.
But I kept telling him, "Run, run, get me out of here."
He got me outside. He got me across the street.
By the glory of God—I survived.
That night, in the middle of terror, God gave me another moment of decision:
Would I agree with death, or agree with His purpose?
I chose life. And He answered.
The Harder Fight: Learning to Walk Again
By God's grace, I can stand and walk today. By God's grace, I can be here to share this story.
I couldn’t walk—I had to learn how to walk all over again. I was like a baby. My mom and sisters had to take care of me.
People ask me, "Angel, was that night the hardest part of your journey?"
I say no. The hard part started after that—where I had to learn to walk physically, but also spiritually. I had to learn what it meant to deny my flesh every single day, remembering the promise I made the Lord while on the ground: "I will worship You for the rest of my life."
The Lord had me in a process. I was going to church, but also doing events—flying to California, New York—because this was a big tragedy. As I got involved with the community, fame and fortune started coming my way—the things I wanted before. Speaking at colleges, making a lot of money, getting offers for my movie, an offer for my own reality TV show.
All these beautiful things were coming, but I didn’t know the enemy was using them to lure me back into the lifestyle. I started going to church and dating men all over again because everything was so confusing.
One night I broke down:
"Lord, I am confused. I am angry. You rescued me from this thing. I'm going to church. I'm doing my best. I'm praying and fasting. But why are these temptations still here? Why am I struggling so much?"
The Lord spoke to me clearly:
"Angel, choose the world or Me. Is it the world or is it Me?"
And again—another moment of decision.
I already knew my answer: "You, Lord. I choose You. I'm alive because of You. I choose You."
He said, "Let go of everything the world has given you."
The Revelation That Transformed Me
I said, "Lord, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I can't just change. I can't just stop having these feelings."
And God said something that transformed everything:
"Angel, your focus has been on the wrong thing. You've focused on your sexuality. You've focused on being gay. Your prayer has only been 'Jesus, make me straight. Change the way I dress. Change the way I speak.' But you don't even get to know the person who can transform your life. You don't even know the name of Jesus. You don't even know who He is. You don't know His heart. How do you expect to change? How do you expect transformation when you don't know the Man who can transform you?"
My mind started opening up. "I've been doing it the wrong way."
I'd heard my whole life that freedom means everything bad just leaves and it's perfect. That's why so many are still stuck in the lifestyle—they know who Jesus is, they want the Lord, but they've been taught so many things the wrong way.
"Lord, I need to talk about this. I need to share this revelation You just gave me."
He said, "Angel, focus on Me. I'll take care of the baggage. Focus on getting to know Me and getting to know the Word."
Then He said, "Angel, even if you weren't gay, you were still a hot mess."
He was that straight up with me.
"You were still a hot mess. I need to restore your whole heart—not just bits and pieces. I want to restore everything of you. I want all of you, Angel. Give Me all of you. I want all of you. I love you. You are My son. I've always loved you."
At that moment I said, "Lord, I surrender to You. I don't even ask You to take these things away. I give You the things my flesh likes—because it's real. Sometimes we like these things. Our flesh likes it. But it's a great sacrifice when I can say, 'Lord, here You go. I know it's not Your will. I know this isn't good for me. So here You go. Even if I want it at the moment—no. It's not Your will. Here You go. I surrender it all to You.'"
At that moment, my life started changing. The Lord started revealing things in me. He started revealing what true freedom was.
He said,
"Angel, true freedom is when you can look at temptation in the face and say, 'I don't want you. I want Jesus.' When you can confront your battles and situations and say, 'I don't want you. I want Jesus.' When you're not a slave to your temptations anymore—that is true freedom."
That was another moment of decision—not just about behavior, but about what I really wanted most: my flesh, or Jesus.
Testifying—and Losing Everything
Then He said, "Angel, now you need to testify. Share where I'm taking you out of."
I said, "No, I'm not doing that. My life is great right now. Things are coming my way."
He said, "In order for you to grow into a new level of boldness in Me, you need to share."
An opportunity opened up to share my story on Charisma Magazine. I shared everything that happened that night and added: "I've left this lifestyle for the Lord 100%." I shared that process.
The moment that was posted, it went viral.
And instantly, the world turned its back on me.
All the offers, all the income, everything coming my way—it just stopped.
Because I thought I was going to be living this amazing lifestyle for the rest of my life, I had wasted it all down to zero.
I hit rock bottom. I couldn't even afford my rent. I started living with my older sister.
"Lord, I thought this journey was going to be joyful. I thought I was going to be happy. I've left the opportunity to make millions of dollars. I've left the opportunity to have my own movie, my own reality TV show—that was my goal, to be a reality TV star."
He said, "No, that's not what I want for you. That's not your purpose."
"Lord, why am I going through this?"
Finding True Purpose
This was one of the hardest seasons of my life, but one of the best seasons of my life.
I was able to learn what it meant to truly depend on God and God only. He started to deposit things in me that I was able to share with the world.
I was being blessed to be a blessing.
Everything being deposited in me wasn't just for me. He said,
"Angel, this is not just for you or for your life to be transformed. This is for all those souls that need to hear this, that need to know transformation is possible, that freedom in Christ Jesus is possible through your story."
Over the years, by God's grace, I've been able to travel the world, share my story, and counsel men of God—sharing everything I've learned through my healing, sanctification, and transformation.
And through it all, God taught me what it truly means to live a life of generosity.
But even deeper than that, I can look back and see this:
When I was a five-year-old with a mic,
When I was a confused teenager,
When I was high in the club,
When I lay on the floor at Pulse,
When I sat broke in my sister’s house—
God had a plan for my life.
And at every stage, He kept sending moments of decision to invite me back into that plan.
If you’re running, if you feel far, if you’re deep in something you don’t know how to get out of— Pay attention to your moments of decision.
Because the same God who pursued me is pursuing you too.